there have been a lot of things that i have been struggling with lately. well to be perfectly honest i think i struggle with a lot of things constantly. some of you may be correct in assuming that this may be part of my melodramatic personality, or that it is me seeking attention. i couldn't tell you what it is that causes the turmoil of life. one thing i know is that today i am choosing to be resilient. trying to resist is worthless. i am incapable of resisting the things that life throws at me.

i am afraid of leaving abilene. but i am going to start the process of leaving here. more that being afraid of leaving here i am afraid of leaving her...we have been together for so long now. many people like to laugh at our situation. please do. we laugh too. we laugh because we are joyful in the situation. we love being roommates and supporting each other. at least i can tell you that i love being her roommate, and love her more everyday.

have you ever felt like you were floating out of control? maybe this feeling isn't like floating at all. i think it is more like free falling, rushing towards the earth without the guarantee of security. security is what i am seeking right now. the more i look for it the more complex it becomes and the more out of reach i find it to be.  i thought for a while that i might be close to grabbing it and holding onto it but this morning's horizon proved that assumption to be wrong.

goodnight world. until tomorrow.